Sunday, November 26, 2006

Still


My heart is still aching and the pain and what if's seem to be endless....I know that somehow time and life will go on and that one day I might make it through the day without breaking down into a puddle of tears...Even now they seem to well up without my permission and without control. I miss the little things and keep finding things you know the things that make you weep when you can not figure out where all the damn tears come from...Inkling said up to two quarts of snot!!!! I suspect that I have used that three times over...My hubby , bless his heart...Just lets me cry....Something that is usually not good in his eyes...I'll try to check in on you all and find away to blog as I usually do... It is snowing here, pretty hard and I have tried several times to post and then my tears stop me... I have just come home from picking up grain for the babies and saying good bye to my hubby who is driving across the pass...It is severe weather up there and he has called to check on me...My mum brought roses and my friend in LA sent chocolates....I baked a chocolate cake too..I hear chocolate is a good cure all..I hope to feel less sorrow very soon...Although spending 1/3 of my life with her depending on me daily and then for that to stop just like that is a challenge for me to be sure...I am truly grateful that we had her for 14 years, when all the vets but one said she would never make it to 5 let alone 14!...Boy that girl showed them all, loving me too the end as I still love her..... When I finally got inside and my boots on the boot dryer, there on the television was my favorite movie just about to begin...Hidalgo....So I'll curl up in the blanket that was wrapped around me and hubby just a few hours ago and watch...And try not to cry for just one hour...I do not want to grieve as I know she is at peace and running with Uzi her twenty-seven toed cat...But in the mean time I need to find some peace for awhile..I love the prayers and thoughts from you all...I do feel better knowing so many people KNOW how I feel lost here.....Pacing and not remembering what I'm doing...Be well. Blessings to you all....From your heart broken farm fairy...

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

I love you, and you cry to your hearts content. I know that this is very hard on you and I know in time there will be a minute, an hour, a day where the tears will stop.

Anonymous said...

How I wish it were possible to hug you in person (minus germs of course), and somehow make things better. But you know what, go ahead and cry if you need to. It's good for you to get it out. I read once that God bottles our tears. If that's true, then maybe Buluga has her own saltwater swimming pool in Heaven sent especially from you. Of course, I doubt Uzi would want to try it.

While it's horrible to have a broken heart and to endure such pain, it is a wonderful gift that you have....the capacity to love so deeply and so well. Those of us lucky to know you have been blessed by that capacity to love, that's for sure.

Know that we are still thinking of you, praying for you, and sending you copious amounts of virtual hugs. Much love to you.....Sara

Anonymous said...

Curl up with your blanket, eat your chocolate, watch your movie, cry, blow your nose, and rest in the "comfort" that we're all out here crying for your heartache. We can't grieve for you, but we can grieve with you, and we are. You can't see us, but we're here. Be as easy with yourself as possible the next few weeks!!

I will most definitely be praying for your hubby as he travels thru the bad weather...which by the way....I want some snow. The midwest won't see snow for another month at least and nowhere near the amount you guys get out there. It's 65 degrees here today...that's just wrong in November.

carolyn said...

Temera I know what you are going through. We lost our beloved Boston Terrier 3 weeks ago. Tears, tears, tears, and still tears. Pets are part of the family. I've read: Our loved companions never really leave us. They live on in the happy memories of the times shared together.

Keep the memories close to you.

Carolyn in WV

Farm Wife said...

You are still in my thoughts & prayers. Hope you're hanging in there.