Friday, October 27, 2006

Grey & Gloomy

It is cold, damp and grey....Things that I dread are these three things. It makes one want to hibernate and crawl into bed till spring. You become too sensitive too growly and thin skinned. So hence I am all these. The bitterness of the morning the ache in my heart with a misunderstanding with someone I adore so very much, someone who I can see no wrong in. The truth is I want to throw up that I'm so hurt. I know I have boat loads to do today..More than I can deal with. I feel like it all piles up on me and then I can not catch up. Then I feel like I will be wrong forever in this persons eyes. I KNOW that this is all very hyper sensitive...And I should brush it off and cowgirl up....But until I get to the bottom of this, it will be what it is. I had a long talk with someone else trying to figure out how "it " got of hand. A bit on each end I'm sure. We have each had a hard week both a bit on edge. I would think that that would make it easier for it to get to where it is...No one is at fault just a thing that rolled down hill and getting to this point. I'm hoping and praying it can be fixed sooner than later. This person and I are both stubborn and I never believe that this person genuinely believes me as it is. And "just to make peace" is beginning to take it's toll on me. Im worried and scared that this too could get out of hand ..Thus my sadness is to the core of my soul. On top of this I've had to argue with several companies to "do the right thing" and to this moment I feel that it on top of this is caving in on me as if I've fallen into some grey abyss that has challenges that I feel I should not have to battle alone.. And others that Im so tired of and new ones that I cringe at. If I was two of me I could not do it all. And I do not want to walk weak and tired, emotional and sad....No one has to make sense of my ramblings just know that I need a few days and will return to my normal happy self and I will wait for the light of understanding..I have no such patience making it harder on my heart still. A journey is just a journey not a destination . October and I have hated one another for as long as I can remember...anything that could go wrong in my life has happened during this month, the last two weeks of it are the worst. I wont explain but trust me on this.....I would love to skip this whole month.
Anyway the day is full of all kinds of things that have to get to as well as things I don't want to.....I want to go back to bed and just sleep....No such luck.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Every Eye Beholds You


Sometime you just fall...I fell asleep on the sofa the television on and all the cats fast to sleep on the electric blanket on the bed. Go figure the cats on 500 thread count sheets...Something is SO WRONG about that. I usually only fall asleep like that when hubby is home, no so last night....I ended up with back ache and migrain. The reason is that I was not able to turn the heat off , hence too hot and no window near my face.

Enough of the snivalling...Coffee is good, very good! A chilly October day, fog along the fence and road...I'll see just how far come light.

The Saga of the 4runner continues, not due to Kpro but to the oil change place in town. They causing a multitude of problems the first of which was the oil spill and the rest is yet to be determined ....It is now two weeks, their promise is yet to be fulfilled at this point. I will wait to state WHO they are pending the outcome of what was agrees upon. Come Friday all bets are off and I will expose their identity. I have been an outspoken person when it comes to doing the right thing or when someone is wronged and the person or company that is the offender has no integrity....I was raised, thanks mom, to do the right thing regardless of the cost or reason....YOU HAVE TO BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD.....Do more than you have to and defend those who can not themselves. I hate it when someone promises something and then does by choice honor that promise...We are not talking about an obligation that by events can not be done. Anyway I really do not want to expose them I think that too reflects poorly as well. But if

1) it keeps someone less capable then I from being in a situation as this
2) forces by shame to make them do the right thing to keep their word

I do not think I would consider such a thing if it was not a huge company.....And that after some investigation found that this was a long term problem with a trail of complaints and legal actions...Currently I will keep it to myself....Until my hand is forced , by integrity and morals to do otherwise...I always would prefer to have the right thing done..

Well Stevens Pass has had it's first snow and the colors from the trees are now covering the lawn..Warning me that fall is about to turn to winter darker and earlier nights. I have never liked fall or October...Wet, cold and grey. Some people love it and I wish I did as well..It is worse here then it was in Wenatchee. Less rain, more cool then anything. I love winter there. I remember being bundled up and traipsing thru the snow up to the barn and looking across the river to Jump Off Ridge so cold and clean and the peace and quiet. The horses playing with the snow...How I miss Wenatchee......We can not go back soon enough.

Well there is plenty to keep me busy inside while the grey and rain continue....
Have a good day and be well.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

What If?

I had this call and the person , a friend said to me "what if.....?" Now you know good and well that most folks over lets say 30 don't bother with the what if thing...First there is no such thing. And second if you have to make it sound too good too convince yourself them maybe you should just let it go... This thing about being in a hurry, need to do this and that the need to do this well...It will just make you nuts...Let things be ......They are what the are....
I went to the barn to check on chickens....The stray banti is no place to be seen....Every last one of those chickens are molting and they all look as if I had taken them to a rooster/chicken fight rarely do I have pity for anything but in this case I do...The feathers are flying all around the barn and the urge to glue them back on crossed my mind...Thank Heavens they are inside the dry barn cuz when they are wet they look even more pathetic. And at least there when someone visits from the city they don't see them....With an onslot of questions like are your chickens sick? Did they get in a fight? What happened to them?.....Anyone who has had a chicken longer then 8 months KNOWS what is wrong....The poor things! They are what they are.
The horses are glaring at me on a regular basis right now..The rains have started making the horses cranky. Why you ask? Well they do not to go out into the big pasture when it is raining as it is easily torn up and recover takes so long on it....The Alpacas are wet and very funny looking too like drowned rats with huge eyes that plead with you to make the rain stop...
I finally got to the feed store for more fencing, chicken feeders, electric fence parts and at least two types of seed. The plan is to move the alpacas to upper pasture , prep and reseed that one. And keep everyone off of it for the next three months. Now that is not realy as hard as it all seems it is what it is. The horses will be confused why they ( the alpacas get to go there and they don't....We found out this summer NO ONE had any livestock here for the past 30 years ( why I'm not sure) Thus making the pastures in poor shape, hence the reseeding .....
Well that is the short of it and I'm happy that it is not raining this morning, although it is suppose to later today. I'm off to the city for an appointment and will cringe as I drive through the traffic. Hope you all stay dry and warm....