And if I could be blue

I sit here the fire now off the lights dimmed and tears stream down my face...they should not, not this tough farm fairy but here they are. The country music videos do not help, this old house, the life it has the animals all a snuggle help...just not the same. Sitting out here alone fog heading my way....trying to hide my stars, my dreams the things I thought the things i wished for wanted for ....the fence between me and sorrow, missing so much acting like i can not care or could care a less. And yet tears fall trying to figure out why what is here is not enough what should be here is not.....I have everything but i have not. I have enough but not enough...A year to full of struggle, a year full of so much but little of it would i repeat or could repeat. No, there are no words no fleeing thought of something more or less....just this sorry that gives me no rest. Love to you all....