It is cold, damp and grey....Things that I dread are these three things. It makes one want to hibernate and crawl into bed till spring. You become too sensitive too growly and thin skinned. So hence I am all these. The bitterness of the morning the ache in my heart with a misunderstanding with someone I adore so very much, someone who I can see no wrong in. The truth is I want to throw up that I'm so hurt. I know I have boat loads to do today..More than I can deal with. I feel like it all piles up on me and then I can not catch up. Then I feel like I will be wrong forever in this persons eyes. I KNOW that this is all very hyper sensitive...And I should brush it off and cowgirl up....But until I get to the bottom of this, it will be what it is. I had a long talk with someone else trying to figure out how "it " got of hand. A bit on each end I'm sure. We have each had a hard week both a bit on edge. I would think that that would make it easier for it to get to where it is...No one is at fault just a thing that rolled down hill and getting to this point. I'm hoping and praying it can be fixed sooner than later. This person and I are both stubborn and I never believe that this person genuinely believes me as it is. And "just to make peace" is beginning to take it's toll on me. Im worried and scared that this too could get out of hand ..Thus my sadness is to the core of my soul. On top of this I've had to argue with several companies to "do the right thing" and to this moment I feel that it on top of this is caving in on me as if I've fallen into some grey abyss that has challenges that I feel I should not have to battle alone.. And others that Im so tired of and new ones that I cringe at. If I was two of me I could not do it all. And I do not want to walk weak and tired, emotional and sad....No one has to make sense of my ramblings just know that I need a few days and will return to my normal happy self and I will wait for the light of understanding..I have no such patience making it harder on my heart still. A journey is just a journey not a destination . October and I have hated one another for as long as I can remember...anything that could go wrong in my life has happened during this month, the last two weeks of it are the worst. I wont explain but trust me on this.....I would love to skip this whole month.
Anyway the day is full of all kinds of things that have to get to as well as things I don't want to.....I want to go back to bed and just sleep....No such luck.